One of my daughters returned from her mission in January. As with my returning boys, it was a hard time because coming to an end were the weekly emails and communication. Now our communication would be relegated to an occasional visit as she began school and work, and text messages when we could. My youngest grade school children mentioned my daughter was dating, and had even gone from Utah to Idaho to visit a young man she’d met on her mission, and had brought a young man to dinner at her mother’s. My heart sank that I was missing out on some of the most important events of a young woman’s life. More than sadness, I even felt a little anger.

I’ve heard it said that a father is naturally the protector of his children, evidenced by some of the wording of The Family–A Proclamation to the World. How can a father with this natural desire, this heavenly mandate, and fatherly priesthood responsibility, deal with the emotions of being kept from his children and being their protector?

MEN, we must wake up. Yes, family law, the feminist movement, and society may cripple much of our ability to be father to our children. But there are still many things we can do. Here are things I’ve done that now over 8 years I see the benefits, and notes I’ve collected:

• When divorced 8 year ago, I decided no matter how embarrassed or lonely or awkward I felt, I’d attend the same events as if I were married. That meant all Church meetings, wedding receptions, ward parties, etc. These were some of the hardest things I did. I’ll never forget that first Sunday to a new ward as a single father. It’s the last place I wanted to be. But the consistency has proven worthwhile.
• A study shows that the level of church activity of the father has the greatest bearing on the activity of the children. [When I have the reference to this I will update this post.]
• Accept all Church callings and let my kids see me serving. Talk about my calling and its blessings to me.
• Attend the temple often. Take your children to the temple, when of appropriate age, for baptisms, or schedule other sessions. Even though I was working full time and had a busy church calling, for three years I worked in the Jordan River temple until it closed for renovation. I could do this because I had no wife or children at home. They let me work every other Saturday when I didn’t have my children. Once a month I take my youngest to do baptisms at some temple. Two years ago we took a train trip to Denver with the focus to attend the Denver and Fort Collins temples.
• Minister with my kids. Take both my two youngest, the ones that stay weekends, to visit the families I’m assigned.
• Pray pray pray together. We pray over meals, and never leave the apartment without praying. We have “family” prayer morning and night. I pray like I did on my mission, upon waking, at meals, and as we left the apartment, and every other chance we got.
• Scripture study every morning they’re here.
• When alone, I leave my scriptures and study materials on the kitchen table where I eat. It focuses my own daily study and as I walk by them reminds me of my true focus. I leave my study materials out when they arrive so they see they are a focus to me. I share what I’m learning.
• My walls display temple pictures, pictures of Christ, The Family Proclamation, and The Living Christ.
• I include my ex in our prayers, I let them know I care for her, and I ask how she’s doing. (Our divorce decree says I can only communicate with my ex by short texts and email, and only about the kids, but I hope my attempts help my kids feel less divided.)
• When we enter the chapel for church, I ask them to look to see if there’s someone we should sit by, my ministering families, or perhaps someone that I sense may feel awkward towards a single father so needs to see us together, or perhaps another broken family so we can support their kids who are also there only every other week.
• I’ve considered doing a quarterly Skype family council with my married kids out of state and those here in Utah.
• Share a Google calendar with my ex. I include all my time with them as well as doctor, dentist, and other appointments.
• I always attend my children’s parent/teacher conferences with them. I look for every opportunity to do what a “normal” parent would be doing. This is tough because I’m not around for the daily interactions that let me know what I kids are involved with, but keep my ears open and ask questions about their lives.
• I talk to my ward’s youth leaders and ask them to include my children in communications and activities, even though the can’t usually come. They have been good to do so.