I share many things on this web site not to raise your anger, but to help you understand where your feelings come from, then to move forward, find joy, and as you have occasion perhaps help others going through these same trials. Some things will give you ideas to push for more involvement with your children.
Category Archives: Legal Issues
Single fathers don’t like Thanksgiving
More accurately, single fathers don’t like what “family law” has done to Thanksgiving (and other holidays).
Take today for example, Thanksgiving day. I’m sitting here at the computer dreaming of my children, staring at a rather unloving and unresponsive computer screen.
This year Thanksgiving happens to fall on “my weekend,” the weekend I would usually have my children stay over, but this year Thanksgiving is my ex’s to be with the children. That means that they stayed with me two weekends ago, won’t this weekend, and will again in two weeks. That’s a total of four weeks, nigh on a full month, between times they stay with me. To add to the pain, my weeknight, the night I usually see my school-age children, is Thursday … tonight … Thanksgiving. So “at least” I saw them a few hours last week, but now am not scheduled to see them again for another week! That’s two full weeks between times I’m scheduled to see them … TO EVEN SEE THEM, let alone stay with them! Yes, I’ve been texting them, but how can a father be a father, in the gospel and truly caring fatherly sense, when seeing his children for only six hours in a four-week period, with that time mostly spent fixing dinner, doing homework, and the half-hour drive back to Mom’s? A father can’t.
Okay, I’m stretching a bit. Yesterday I asked their mother if I could see them this weekend for a few hours. “On Saturday morning, as long as they’re back by noon,” she replied.
“Family law.” Law is to provide protection. As single fathers we sometimes wonder what that means. Family law seems to protect mothers from their ex husbands, as if we’re a threat to her and to his own children. Who’s being protected?
Capitalism.org defines the purpose of law:
In a free society each and every man lives under a rule of law, as opposed to a whim-ridden rule of men.
Such a rule of law has only one purpose: to protect the rights of the smallest minority that has ever existed — the individual.
Such laws form a non-contradictory body of principled legislation, which hold a man innocent until he can be proven guilty according to an objective standard, as opposed to a plethora of regulations which hold a man guilty until he can somehow prove himself innocent, to the gratification of a bureaucrat able to gain a foothold in public office.
In a free society it is the actions of government — and not the actions of citizens — that are regulated.
Other posts will address specific aspects of “family” law, and how many are in fact unlawful. Besides the legality, the separation that family law puts between the father and his children is ludicrous.
Ant-Man
This weekend I saw the movie Ant-Man. Cute show. But from what I’ve learned over recent years about fathers, divorce, family law and the feminist movement, there were numerous things that bothered me. These are such a part of main-stream media that most people I suspect are oblivious to the subtle messages.
Scott Lang is the hero of the movie, at least in the end. He is the Ant-Man, who comes back from a life of crime.
- Scott is a divorced man, portrayed as a dead-beat dad, unwilling to pay his alimony. Though this happens, this is not your standard divorced dad.
- Scott is hindered from seeing his daughter until he can catch up on child support. A father’s relationship with his children should not be held hostage for any reason except if the child is in danger by the father. (Don’t get me off on this one. Family law in many ways is unconstitutional, topics for other posts.)
- Scott is portrayed as a weakling, subservient to and controlled by his ex-wife. He is bumbling and clumsy (until of course later he becomes the hero). Even if done for effect and contrast, this perpetuates the common media bias that women are powerful and smart, and that men are stuck in their teen years.
- Scott is again portrayed as a weakling compared to Dr. Pym’s daughter. He has to be taught by her how to fight!
- The movie portrayed Scott’s daughter’s step dad as the one who really cared for and had a relationship with Scott’s daughter. She runs to her step dad and is protected by him—even when Scott is around. This portrays the father as not important once there has been divorce.
- The movie could have been done without divorce being part of main story line. Just as strong a story could have been created with an intact family. I’d much prefer my children be taught the example of a good, solid, loving and caring family, even if mine is broken. Must we perpetuate the feeling that divorce is normal and accepted? Why not portray the ideal of an intact family to give children a hope and vision of what’s possible? Must we bring in the tension of a broken family? It’s like saying that swearing, infidelity, and sin are part of life, so let’s portray them (promote them) in film.
- Why was Scott’s daughter always in her step-father’s arms, even when Scott was around? That’s odd. Where was the loving embraces of father and daughter?
- Only in one scene, when Scott secretly entered his daughter’s bedroom when she was asleep, did I have a sense for the love of Scott for his daughter. The hunger for her was not portrayed well, nor the anger he should have displayed for not being able to see his daughter.
This was a cute and overall fun show to watch, even with some touching moments, but like typical modern media, portrayed life far from the ideal, perpetuating evil.
Your brother, Carl